i suppose i let a part of me, die.

i became unfamiliar with words
& feelings.
somehow, colors were less bright.

this has happened for too long.

so,
i sat down on the floor.
i laid out everything i could remember.
nouns, people, places, smells, bits & pieces
here and there.

and i did my best.
i stretched out my arms, leaned forward
and
i pulled them close to my chest

i sat there, eyes closed,
until they seeped back in.

until fall smelled like fall
and blue was the same blue
and when i rolled the words around,
feeling their edges, their straight lines.
i knew i was at home. finally.

so i will keep going.
i will start today, all over again.
and thats ok.

I TRIED TO MAKE CLOUDS

i tried to make clouds today
for davy, my friend.
because one time he gave me
a book and wrote kind things on
the inside cover.

i consulted the birds on this matter
they all agreed;
the clouds they prefer
are the ones that smell blue.blue.[blu]

so i gathered broken crayons, wishbones,
and orange peels.
i even got my neighbor to share the
light from the firefly he keeps in a jar.

i mixed them all together
and tied your favorite color to it.

according to my calculations, Venus
is on the left.
so tonight, while the stars are just stars
and there are still honeybees in Africa,
i gave davy clouds, the kind that
smell blue


a side note- i am learning the words to taylor swift to sing as lullabies.

we were out walking today. me and the boys.
and i saw a green balloon.
that stood out from the brown of winter.

and smiled, kept walking and wondered how
many other treasures
were waiting to be found.

i heard birds this morning.
outside, my window.

what a lovely way to start the day.

so i opened the curtains and let them in.

i held the door open to the church
a man with his hands full
walked up to me
and asked me to take the cigarette out of his mouth & hold it.

I waited for him. outside
another man, approached me and
asked me if i knew Doug, the man whose
cigarette i was holding
"no, i do not".
Doug came back outside said he didnt feel
right smoking in church.


i told him we smoke on the roof.

[we encounter people, often tangentially.]

thank god, for this new laughter.